I sat in a mall yesterday. I sat alone and watched the people go by, holding hands tight, like they were afraid to let go because they know that, if they do, they're bound to lose one another. But its the culture! The buy one get another, just in case the first one ever starts to falter. But it's that kind of mentality that creates a self fulfilling prophecy, so why bother? And sitting there, watching those people go by, it made me start to think about the people in my life, the places I've been, the things that I've seen, and how every individual is a product of their own combination of these.
See, I know this girl. I know this girl who told me that she never wants to get married. She says the idea of love is only a construct put together for fairy tales and movies, like we somehow out grow these and growing up means letting go of fantasy. See, she watched her parents play different roles. Saw her mother’s emotions exposed when her father was out taking off someone else’s clothes. So how is she to believe that every guy she meets won’t make that how her story goes, when that’s what she was taught at home?
I know this boy. I know this boy who gave up his entire world for a girl. Put his dreams into a sock drawer so that he could uphold hers. He waved goodbye as she travelled across the sea, waiting patiently for her to return because he believed that they were meant to be. But his ideology of two, soon turned to three, as passion began burning down doors that neither had considered before and as those few months became more and more, his hormones won over, craving the moans of a whore, leaving each questioning the concept of monogamy that they were both raised to adore.
So, realistically, I blame Disney and pornography for the most miserable human beings that I've ever come to meet. Yet I still have a tendency of naming all of my songs after the places I've been, after the things that I've seen, in an attempt to commemorate the people that I met in each, convincing myself that it was all a metaphor for something else, regardless of each contradiction that I've grown to see. But that doesn’t mean I can't pretend, because it's these friends who have taught me the difference between who I am and who I should be. Taught me the importance of honesty and the value of clarity, so hopefully they'll understand the sincerity behind each time that I say "I'm sorry for who we've grown to be."
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